5 WAYS TO LET GO OF PAST HURT
1.Make the decision to let it go
I get it. I really do.
I have been there and have been hurt. I know firsthand about past hurts and how hard it can be to let go. And how you can try so hard to forgive and move on, but it’s like that hurt has got a tight grip of your heart.
You know things don’t just disappear on their own. They don’t just go away, would you agree. I mean we would want them to just disappear and go away, but that’s not how it works. We are going to have to go through the process. You know when people hear the word process, they automatically think of this long span of time that they will have to endure to get to where they need to be at. But it’s not as bad as it sounds and sometimes, we make it look so scary...this process.
Sometimes God is going to have to put us through the fire. To refine us! And the first thing we must do is make a commitment to “let it go”. I guarantee it, If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this past hurt. So this is the first and most important step you need to take to let go and be free from whatever it is that you are hurting from.
Stop reliving your past pain, stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person. When you think about it make it a habit to think 3 good things…and before long you will not even think about that thing anymore. Really…it works! I have done it and the devil gets mad because you are thinking all these good thoughts, so he just leaves you alone in that area. But believe me, he will try to come at you in another area, so that is why it is important to be on guard no matter what and in all areas of our lives. Don’t you think. Ok...#2
2.Express your pain — and your responsibility.
In other words, admit your mistakes and take responsibility of your actions. You see the Bible clearly tells us in 1 John that we all have sinned and have come short of God’s glory. And if we say we have never sinned or done anything wrong, then we are liars. Hate to be so blunt, but it’s the truth. We all make mistakes, we all sin, we all exercise poor judgment, we all make bad mistakes…and that's ok, and I don’t mean that in a way to give you a license to sin...no…no…no I say it because if you have sinned and asked God to forgive you, then you are forgiven, and you don’t have to feel condemned about that sin anymore.
The devil loves to condemn people…but God convicts us to draw us away from that sin, because he loves us. Nobody is immune to sin…not even us holy Rollin Christians…lol… But the key to this is how we handle our sin, our mistakes and how we try to make it right if we can. How we respond to our sins and mistakes is critical. There is only one correct response, and that is “I was wrong!” Then we ask for forgiveness and move on!
3.Stop being the victim and blaming others.
I did this to my husband. I blamed my husband for what my ex-husband and my other relationships did to me. For years I felt sorry for myself and expected for others to feel sorry about me too. I used to when I was around anyone, would vent on all the bad things that was done to me and how I was hurt and mistreated and all this other stuff. I was an expert at throwing pity parties, and inviting others to join in with me…"You poor thing! You really have it rough! How could he be so mean to you. We all enjoy a little pity once in a while, or at least I did…but I loved hearing those words from others…I am just going to be transparent with you…I’m gonna be real with your today. I did that.
You know it’s easy to play the victim when we don’t feel like changing. So we blame our parents, our spouses, our friends, our bosses, our sickness, everyone we can blame we blame just so we won’t feel that discomfort of change. We get this victim mentality, that just because I was treated this way or that way then I have the right to act this way…but that is not true and that is not right. We have to stop playing the victim and we have to I mean really have to stop blaming others for what happened to us. You know that Jesus shatters the victim mentality and you know what sometimes we are tempted to think of ourselves as helpless lambs being dragged to the slaughter. But the Bible says that we are more than conquerors and we can do all things through Him…so there is nothing and I mean nothing no matter how painful or powerful we think that “thing” is that can separate us from God’s unfailing love. So that makes us victorious--no matter what. No matter what yawl!!! You know what else…taking responsibility set me free! And by accepting responsibility I had to stop acting like a victim and stop blaming others. And let me tell you something else, taking responsibility reduces stress, which is a loving gift to you…and stress reduces WRINKLES ladies!!! I’m just saying!
4.Focus on the present — the here and now —
Have you been talking to a friend or anyone and you’re having a good conversation with them, then all of the sudden that person makes a U-turn in your conversation and starts to talk about the past and everything they did wrong or everything someone else did wrong to them.
Well, you were probably talking to me…lol…because I used to do that a lot. I used to relive the past so much. I mean I was bad at that…really. I hate to be the one to tell you…but your past is just that…THE PAST! I wish someone would’ve been so stern with me and told me that, instead of sitting there for hours listening to my talk about my ex-husband hit me for the hundredth time! I mean really…your past is the past and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do to change that. It’s gone, and it will never return! And above all, you are not your past, your past does not define you…God defines you and God says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that you are the head and not the tail, that you have the mind of Christ, that no weapon formed against you will prosper, that you will overcome that battle you may be in at this present moment.
I don’t’ care what you did or doing, I just know that that’s not you anymore…Satan will come with you with so many lies and tell you all this and that…and how you will never amount to nothing, and no one will ever love you, or you will never get out of what you are in…but there comes a time when you say…ENOUGH Is ENOUGH…Satan you get out of my life…because greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. And as for me and my house we will serve the Lord!
If you want to grow, then you must stop focusing on your past and focus on your future instead. Focus on your goals, on your vision on the calling that God has on your life. Focus on that. Focus on making your marriage better, focus on becoming a better mom a better sister a better daughter or friend. Focus on become more educated…focus on good things…on God things.
That is what Philippians 3:13-14 tells us to do! ….to Forget what is behind and strain for what’s ahead of us…it says to press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Right…ok, then let’s do it!
5.Forgive them — and forgive yourself.
Can you honestly look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I love you" and mean it with your heart? I'm not talking about a prideful way, but a humble means of accepting who God has formed in you. We need to love and accept the person that Christ has made in us and forgive ourselves as Christ has forgiven us!
Ladies…I am telling you as a friend, as a sister in Christ that forgiving yourself is essential…it’s so important to forgive yourself. Many of you today still haven’t forgiven yourself for something that happened in your past and God is telling you today…Daughter you are forgiven! I forgive you! Now forgive yourself!
Forgiving yourself sets you FREE…Forgiving yourself is simply letting go of what you are holding against yourself so that you can move on with God. If God has moved on, shouldn't we do the same? Philippians 4:9 states that we are to put into practice those things that we have learned from God and from His Word. To continue to rehearse in our thoughts the events of our transgression, opposes Philippians 4:8 which tells us to dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.
When we don’t forgive ourselves, we really are condemning ourselves. Sometimes, we are hard on ourselves, quick to point an accusatory finger inward, and prone to believe our condemning thoughts are directed by God himself. But that is not true ladies… Romans 8:1 tells us Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
So…Forgiving yourself is essential. There is a tendency in all of us to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others.
You know healing past hurts or even emotional wounds will involve some pain yall. And most…almost 99% of these hurts have been the result of events in our lives as rejection, abandonment, abuse, neglect, violence, insecurity…or even being embarrassed, shamed, terrorized, scared, manipulated or otherwise controlled.
So, we have to focus on Gods’ love, which will drive out ALL fears, and when we do we will be able to experience more hope in our life. And we will be able to approach any situation we face with faith and boldness.
In closing, these are the 5 ways to let go of past hurt. Ladies it’s so important to let go and let God and forgive others and especially us in order for us to move forward and do what God has called us to do. And I am telling you right now, if we don’t do that, we are not going to be able to move forward until we do.
FORGIVE TODAY AND HEAL!!!