Marriage is an amazing gift from God. Yet often, the greatest gifts aren’t always cherished the way they should be. Life gets busy. We get overwhelmed and distracted. We start taking each other for granted. We argue and let resentments set in. We compare our own marriages with those around us, those on social media,  longing for happiness, instead getting stuck in hurt and regret.  Our conversions become shorter and shorter until you begin to drift apart, and sadly, many times, we start looking for the nearest “exit.” And we are threatening the “D” word. The word you promised you would never bring up no matter how heated the argument got. Depression starts to set in, and anger starts to rise because it’s not supposed to happen this way. This was not what you thought your marriage would end up like. You thought when you got married it was the will of God, but what happened! 

 

The Bible tells us what the will of God is for our marriage. It’s really pretty simple when you read it on paper. Love your spouse, respect him, cherish him, nourish him. It also says to leave your mother and father and cleave to each other. That’s pretty great right. Seems like something that we should all be able to do, especially since we both love each other. But what happens when storms come and hit our marriage. And the waves are pounding against your marriage and the boat is rocking back and forth and you know that if another wave comes, your marriage is gonna tip right on over. It’s hard when a marriage is facing difficulties and you just don’t know what to do or where to turn. But there are three things we must know about marriage. Satan lies. Let’s see them. 

 

Lie #1 "My happiness is the most important thing about my marriage." Every marriage knows unhappiness. Every marriage knows conflict. Every marriage knows difficulty. But everyone can be joyful in their marriage by focusing on God's purposes and His glory instead of individual happiness.

 

Lie #2: I can change my spouse. Wrong! Pay attention to the red flags you see during the dating relationship, especially the more serious ones, such as drinking too much, violent temper, promise breaking, etc. Chances are these things won't improve but worsen after the honeymoon is over. The truth: all you have control over is your reaction to your spouse. That's the only part you can change.

 

Lie #3: I married you, not your family. The truth is you don’t marry just your spouse; you get their family as a package deal! Don’t kid yourself and think the outlawed in-laws don’t matter. Your spouse grew up in a family that taught them how to be who they are today. Yes, there are other influences and people can change, but family is a primary force in the development of any individual. Yes, there is a fine line, but you cannot ban their family from your life. 

 

Lie #4: We are way too different…we just grew apart; we fell out of love…I think I married the wrong person. A wrong start in marriage does not justify another wrong step. "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good," says Romans 8:28, "to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Here's the key for those who are now married: The Bible clearly says do not divorce (with the exception for extended, unrepentant sexual

immorality). God can take even the worst things of life and work them together for good if we will just trust Him. “If you’re not happy, don’t stay in an unhappy situation. You deserve More.” For many of us, marriage can tend to bring our selfishness out like nothing else. We want our way. We insist on our rights. We want our spouse to make us happy, and right now! 

 

In the midst of demands, we’ll never be free to truly love and serve one another. Our focus will tend to be one-sided – our side – and what we want. Yet God’s goal for marriage was not just to “make us happy.” The truest picture of marriage is that it symbolizes the love of Christ for us. And His desire for us all is that we be made more into the image of Himself. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Cor. 13:4-5

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“You may have just fallen out of love.” We don’t really “fall” out of love, we may have just stopped making the choice to love. We might find ourselves drifting away. The world’s call to simply “follow your heart” is not what God’s word teaches. Our hearts cannot always be trusted, because if we’re not making wise choices to stay close to Him and to the home front, we may find ourselves not only drifting, but getting caught up in fast moving currents. Prayer and God’s word over our marriage is a powerful tool to keep drawing us close together. Even if you find you’re the only one praying, God hears, and He is faithful to help us. “Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Cor. 13:13

 

Lie #5: It was better back there…before marriage…or the grass is greener on the other side…

The devil will convince you that it was better back there…it was better before you got married. You were free before you got married and now look at you…stuck at the house all the time, lost all your friends, you can’t get your weekly spa days you used to get. It was better before you

got married. “The grass is greener on the other side.” The truth is, the grass is greener where it’s being cared for. Where it’s being watered. The lie of our culture will whisper that everyone else has it better, or we missed out somehow. It will draw us to compare and compete, but that is never God’s way. He desires that we cherish and love our spouse, just as Christ cares for and loves the church. If we spend more time focusing on what we have, instead of what we think we don’t have, we’d be much more grateful for the treasure of His gifts. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Eph. 5:25, 33

 

Lie #6 You Married Out of God's Will and my spouse is an unbeliever. That's why our marriage will never work or be blessed: Once you said your “I Do’s”, a covenant was created. And when a covenant was created by saying ““I [Name], take you [Name], for my lawful wife / husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you.”  To God’s Holy Ordinance… you have both made a commitment to God and before family and friends and God honors it as such. God can turn around any marriage, even unbelieving spouses. We have to trust God to do it. Pray for our spouse daily for God to change them and the marriage, but to change us first. Yes, you may have married out of God's will, but God can bless a mess, and use it for His glory and your good! 

 

Lie #7: It's too broken. He hurt me or you hurt him too much if you and your partner stay intimately connected to God, your marriage will reflect that intimacy. Divorce doesn't have to happen. Recognize the cultural lies that influence you and counteract them with biblical truth. No marriage is beyond the probability of divorce, but you can be proactive in preventing it. It's time to improve on the divorce statistics and divorce proof your marriage. “Your marriage is beyond repair. Once trust is broken, it can never be Restored.” Many have walked through very difficult seasons of marriage. Some are still healing. Others have come through to the other side by the grace of God. Sometimes the marriage is saved. Sometimes it is not. But it doesn’t change this truth – no matter what we face, God does redeem and restore. He is the God of miracles, it’s His very nature, and if you find yourself still in the midst of a struggling marriage, cry out to Him for help. He can bring back to life what was dead. The power of God can give hope, a fresh start, the chance for a do-over, and a new beginning. “With God all things are possible.” Matt. 19:26

 

One thing is certain, there’s a battle over marriages today, and the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy them all. But we don’t have to let him win. Today, take back your marriage! 

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